Things went along status quo. If the day got to be too much, just pop a couple more. and it would drift away. This was not how I had ever wanted to interact with someone I loved. And yet the shame of my using began to grow and a dicotomy split down me; the me I knew as who I was and the me I knew when the drug helped me feel whole. This would be the crucible in which all relationships with me in the future would be formed.